Ahhhh, yes. Something you all probably hate or can’t stand when you first meet people, and you might be asking yourself “How can I avoid small talk with people?” Well, I got news for you, small talk is probably never going to go away, and it is used all around the world in many scenarios. For example, many cultures do business in many different forms. The U.S. might do business in an industry completely different from let’s say Spain. Small talk is used to set the tone. You’re usually using small talk when you’re on a first date in the beginning of the date, at a business meeting, meeting someone for the first time, etc. But, what exactly is small talk and why do we do it or at least feel the need to do it?
According to Englishclub.com and you probably already know this but small talk is always “used in the beginning to break the silence, or fill time in any situation.” Let’s be honest most of us here on this planet don’t go directly up to strangers and ask them what they’re most scared of in life. Now, some of us might do that, but I’m assuming it’s a very tiny percentage. I found myself always asking the question of how I can move past small talk or at least people that could never seem to get past small talk with a complete stranger they’ve just met or even a potential romantic partner.
The majority of people don’t move past small talk with someone they’ve just met because in our heads we most of the time say “I can’t be that open with this person, I just met them and they are going to think I’m a weirdo.” Most of you probably have said that to yourself when talking to someone you just met, I know I have. So let’s say you’re going to a house party on a Friday night, there’s going to be a decent amount of people there, and you’re only going to really know one person. Chances are you’ll be having small talk when you first meet people at this party and then hopefully you’ll move to deeper conversation. Who knows, maybe you won’t. I am going to assume the majority of you won’t, and that’s not me being harsh or irrational but just noticing what I observe when I am in social settings. You see, most of you probably struggle with actually connecting with people. Most of us talk about pretty mundane things in our lives. We talk about the weather, sports, people, TV-shows, etc. Most of these things aren’t really important at the end of the day, and I myself avoid talking about these topics most of the time. I don’t mind it sometimes, it just gets old after awhile. You ever hear that saying “average people talk about things and people, while successful people talking about ideas, wants, desire, dreams, etc.” It goes something like that, probably a little far off from the exact words, but you get my point. So how exactly do we move past the small talk.
So, I work in sales. I pretty much have for most of my life. I was always in some type of customer service role or sales role, and across many industries. I am very good at talking to people and I enjoy communicating with others and pulling information out of them to get closer to a sale. But, after years of working in sales I realized many things, but one thing always sticks with me. And that is the power of the questions I ask. You see, in sales the person asking the questions is usually the one who is in control on the conversation/situation. And the questions you’re asking can either be small talk questions – that most people are pretty used to or they can be powerful questions that will exhibit a well rounded response that people will remember you for.
So you may be asking yourself how can I move past small talk? And the answer to that is the questions you’re asking others around you. Most of us never move past small talk with people we’ve just met or it takes many interactions with that person to move past that the small talk. But, if you begin asking powerful questions that really make people think, they will 100% remember you for that. More on powerful questions…..