Ohhhh yes…
Relationships and money.
Divorce rates in the U.S. have been hovering around 50% for quite some time. There are of course many reasons that couples get divorced, but according to Huffington Post one of the most common reasons for divorce is money.
“It’s not usually the lack of finances that causes the divorce, but the lack of compatibility in the financial arena.”
All of us view money differently right? Now, imagine you get into a relationship and you’re the type of person who consistently saves, invests, creates other sources of income, etc. Then you have your partner. Your partner constantly spends money, has no budget, doesn’t save for the future, etc. There might be some conflict, don’t you think? Over time this can really become discouraging and even result in breakups/divorces. And trust me, I’ve seen it happen.
Debt can be scary right? You might meet someone and end up finding out they’re in a ton of personal credit card debt and have student loans that could take years to pay off. Would this be a deal-breaker when it comes to marrying them? Not sure, only you know the answer to that. But, when you start to get serious with someone and are really beginning to share each other’s lives and past, the topic of money should absolutely be brought up. There’s nothing like finding out years down the road that your partner has a ton of debt attached to their name. If you get married, that is now your debt as well. So, how do you approach this topic with your partner?
“Hey (said partner) I want to ask you a question. What’s your view when it comes to money and how would you like to approach it when it comes to our relationship.”
Now, you clearly can approach this topic in many ways. But, in my experience, it’s best to bring it up in the calmest way possible of course. “Honey, you spend too much ***ing money.” I know I’ve heard that a few times growing up when hearing my parents talk to each other about money. But, it really comes down to the views you each have when it comes to money and how you use it in your lives.
What things do you spend money on that make you happy?
Should we have joint bank accounts?
How often are we going to eat out?
Should we have a monthly budget?
What’s your plan for retirement?
Do you invest/do you plan to invest?
Should we go over our money situation monthly?
The list goes on and on. But, notice what I said in my first point.
“What things do you spend money on that make you happy, like really make you happy?”
You and your partner could spend money on two totally different things when it comes to happiness, and that’s okay. Maybe your wife loves to buy shoes, but other than that she doesn’t really spend much money besides the basic needs for life. Maybe you want the best workout supplements when it comes to your health and fitness. That’s totally okay too. We all spend money in different ways, it’s just finding out what makes your partner tick when it comes to their spending habits.
For me, I’m a pretty simple man. I like to spend money on good quality healthy food, as well as workout supplements, experiences, travel, and dining out. Pretty simple. Yes, of course, I’ll buy other things occasionally when needed. But, when it comes down to it, that’s pretty much all I need. Whenever I start dating a girl, and if we’re getting serious, I make it known pretty early on.
We’re all different. Have the talk early. It’s only going to benefit the relationship and make it even stronger. Talk with your partner about their views on money. I see too many couples hide things, hide money, hide habits, and it only shows up down the road and usually doesn’t turn out great…