As we all get older, our approach to relationships change. Having your first romantic partner at a young age can be a thrilling and exciting experience. I’m sure you all remember. It may last, it may not. As I’ve gotten older, (now age 26) my approach to relationships has changed and I’ve realized more about people and myself. I do believe having great chemistry and connection is very important in any relationship, no matter what you identify as. But, something I don’t frequently come across is values, and why they’re important when it comes to all types of relationships as we mature.
How do we define values?
The easiest way to figure that out is to ask yourself,
“What are my core values in life?”
Listen, sex is great. As human beings, we crave it. I mean we were put on this earth to procreate, but that’s another story. The sex could be great with a person you’re with, but when it comes to the other “stuff” in life — you two just don’t work together. Maybe there’s no connection? No chemistry? But, more importantly, you might not share the same long term values. You’re the only one to decide if that’s important to you or not.
Are you a person who wants to get extremely vulnerable with a potential partner and feel an emotional connection? That could be you. I know that’s one of my values. Some relationships don’t have that, and that’s okay. It might not be a value for that particular couple, and they don’t place a great amount of importance on it. Totally cool. As a man writing this, I was taught growing up that being vulnerable wasn’t seen as something manly to do. Opening up about something — no way.
“You’re weak!”
But, I realized as I got older I didn’t get that as a child, and it’s all I craved in my relationships with women and people as I got older. I wanted someone to open up to me, and I wanted to do the same in return with the person I was dating. When it comes to relationships, figuring out what you value when it comes to being with a suitable partner long term is super important. All of us have different values, and that’s what makes us unique. Our core values are the result of experiences and upbringing. What we want to have and create in the future.
Here are some examples below that I’ve come up with to potentially help you when figuring out what you value in relationships and in life:
- Do you value someone who is career-oriented?
- Do you value someone who is into the healthy living/working out?
- Do you value having an emotional connection with someone in a relationship?
- Do you value mutual respect?
- Do you value children/marriage in the future?
- Do you value sex in a relationship and what are your expectations?
- Do you value someone who has the same stance as you on religion and politics?
- Do you value someone who is willing to grow as a person next to you?
- Do you value finances in a relationship and having the same view of money?
- Do you value open communication and honesty in a relationship?
- What about trust?
- What kind of lifestyle do you want to have?
Most of us learn about our values early on in life, and it continues to evolve as we meet and date new people. Our values are beliefs. Beliefs that we hold strongly and dear to our hearts. The person you were with during college may only be the person for you during college. Needs change, values change, and so do people, and that’s totally okay.
Final Note:
All relationships take work. One person can’t be putting in the effort. It takes two to tango-something like that. Not every relationship is going to have the same values. Some might not view certain values as important as others. Everyone is different, but ask yourself what your values are, and decide which ones are important and why.